“Well, when we heard he was resigning, the only logical choice was to hire him as our new spokesman. It’s almost like we had to,” said Johnsonville CEO Ed Stayer. ”I mean, have you seen those pictures? That guy’s packing some serious sausage!”
Stayer said the contract will last as long as Weiner’s status among the media is strong, so about a month.
“This was a no brainer,” said the deposed congressman. “I needed a job after publicly humiliating myself as an elected official, and the Johnsonville Sausage people recognized my talent…and my schwanz.”
In another groaningly obvious turn, the Weiner promos will launch exclusively on Twitter, with fans encouraged to Tweet photos of their brats in a “Show Us Your Johnsonville” campaign.
“We’re predicting a healthy return on our investment, and I can’t forsee any problems with this campaign,” said Stayer.